So, I got the January Penzey's catalog/recipe collection. Not only does this one have a spread of ethnic recipes (mostly from immigrants to Wisconsin and Minnesota), but it's full of terrible puns. Example: "Look Who's Cumin To Dinner".
With the Penzey's Catalog we got something called "Uncommon Goods", which is kind of like if Regretsy had a catalog. Some highlights:
From their collection of Valentine's Day "couples" items comes this incredibly surreal offering:
Big Spoon, Little Spoon Bracelet SetWoven with matching charms hand-cast in Laos from the reclaimed aluminum remains of bombs dropped in the 1960's, this sharable set lets you show how much you care for each other one loving spoonful at a time.Wait ... what?
"Here honey, to show you how much I love you, I bought you a piece of Vietnam War ordinance. It allows me to compare you to a diminuative eating utensil."
Love Letter Napkin SetTransform any meal into a romantic rendezvous with these amorous table linens. Each carries the text of a love letter written by a literary great.These include:
- Jack London, to his wife, Bess, whom he dumped unceremoniously when he met Charmain.
- Emily Dickinson, who died single after 40 years of seclusion.
- D.H.Lawrence, whose letter addresses the husband of the woman he's diddling.
- Mark Twain, the only romantic of the bunch.
Tree-carved Initials CrapYou can get a necklace, signet ring, plisner glass, wine glass, wine storage box, birch-bark cuff, pillow, or anniversary plate, all with similar crappy designs of "our initials carved into a tree".
Love Is ArtExpress your love through abstract expressionism with fine artist Jeremy Brown's bold idea for making one-of-a-kind art. Each kit allows couples to capture the beauty of intimacy in a new and elegant way by bringing the canvas to the bedroom. Wait ... are they suggesting ... ?
Kit includes plastic sheeting, white cotton canvas, black non-toxic and washable red or black paint, disposable slippers, body scrubber.Um, yeah, I guess they are. "What is seen cannot be unseen".
Other fun stuff in the catalog includes:
Rowboat Salad Bowl: Picture:
http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/ro ... g-utensilsArtisanal Bamboo Salt Chest, which includes 24 kinds of salt. For the hypertensive gourmet who has everything. Note that it's the bamboo which is artisinal, not the salt.
Tipsy Wine Glass Set: why throw out 10% of the wine glasses just because they're warped? We can unload these on idiots! Bonus points: use these to serve red wine over a white tablecloth. What could go wrong?
http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/tipsy-wine-glassesStoneware TV Dinner Tray Set: because you want to serve homemade food and make it look like crappy microwaved stuff.
Ladybug Castle and
Butterfly Puddler, for everyone who bought into the whole "butterfly house" idea. Did you know that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
Have your dog or cat's nose cast as a "
Nose Print Necklace". How, exactly, does one get a cat's nose pressed into a plaster mold? While the cat's still alive? "Hey, Al, this mold has flecks of blood on it too!"
It should also be noted that, our favorite nose-injury device having fallen from the W-S and SLT catalogs, the
Whiskey Stones have now ended up in Uncommon Goods. I predict that sometime in the near future, maybe about two years from now, someone will have the opportunity to purchase an entire warehouse full of soapstone cut into 2" cubes for $200. This will lead to a truly spectacular Mythbusters episode.
And, finally, our winner in the category of "catalog items which sound like the randomly-generated subject line of a spam email":
Marimo Moss Ball Light Bulb TerrariumThe wonderful thing about this item is that it makes an equal amount of nonsense regardless of how you rearrange the words:
- Light Ball Moss Bulb Terrarium Marimo
- Terrarium Light Marimo Bulb Ball Moss
- Moss Marimo Light Terrarium Ball Bulb
- Bulb Moss Marimo Terrarium Ball Light
See?