I'm starting a thread on dishes we've made which, despite experience and hard work, just didn't turn out quite right. Maybe they were inedible, or maybe just sad and bland. Maybe they tasted fine but looked terrible. Bonus points for embarassing yourself in front of guests.
I'll start:
It didn't used to be possible to get real bagels in the Rogue Valley in Oregon. So when I visited my in-laws, I used to make bagels. A few years ago, we visited my in-laws for my wife's birthday (late March), and I decided to make bagels while I was up there. I made the dough, let it rise, molded the bagels, and put them in the cooler to rise overnight.
In the morning, they hadn't risen ... in fact, they were flat like little pancakes with holes in the center.
Hmmm. Maybe tossing them in the simmering sugar-water will puff them up? No, that didn't work either ... they puffed a little but not nearly enough. Maybe they'll rise a little in the oven?
So I seasoned them with garlic, onions, salt, etc. and put them in the oven to bake, hoping for some oven spring. But no spring sprung ... they were sad and floppy-looking. Kris christened them "beagles".
Since we had nothing else for brunch, we ate them anyway, spreading stuff on top and chewing dilligently at the tough dense bread. They tasted OK, but were very hard to eat. We threw out the leftovers.
It was only looking at the calendar 2 weeks later that I realized what I'd done wrong ... I had been trying to make bagels during Passover!
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Reminds me of my mil who always wants to make a point to others about being Jewish. Years ago she was flying across country and specifically ordered a kosher meal despite not ever having kept kosher. When they called out her name, she stood up and waved to show where she was sitting. Of course she had no idea until later that it was Yom Kippur (Day of atonement when religious Jews fast from sundown to sundown for those unfamiliar with Jewish customs). One of many stories about her antics. I'll come up with one more related to me soon...
With no options of using the oven since everything else would be in there, my husband got out a hand saw and hacked of the wings. 
