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 Post subject: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:34 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 1:03 am
Posts: 5280
Location: Portland, OR
All,

As several of you know (well, JB) I frequently check theworstthingsforsale.com. Which led me to The Egg Minder. Which led me to the Quirky Quorporation, a vendor of expensive plastic crap for your kitchen. This being the holiday season, I thought I'd link you to a few potential gifts which I guarantee will make the recipient say "really, you shouldn't have!"

The Egg Minder (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Eggminder- ... B00GN92KQ4), Quirky's banner product, is a $100 egg tray which tracks how many eggs it has and how old they are so it can beam that information to your iPhone. As one reviewer says: "The Eggminder will set all of our hearts and minds at ease. Our dreams of a more peaceful world are at hand."

Ventu Serving Bowl (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-PVTU1-WHBM ... B00CXFF050): it's a combination strainer and "serving bowl" ... for $50.

Loopits Storage thing (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Loopits-St ... B00DSNQP4Q): if anyone figures out what this is actually for, let me know. As far as I can tell, it's a thing you attach to your wall in order to keep your collection of giant rubber bands. And, apparently, plastic dinosaurs.

Multi-Position Cheese Grater (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-GRP-1-CW1- ... B005PP95NS). This might actually be a good cheese grater (I doubt it, though). But $25? Really?

Silo Portion Control Container (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Portion-Co ... B00E5H9Q5O) This is a tupperware cannister, with a built-in special pour spout to make it dispense stuff in a premeasured amount. Only the size of the premeasured amount is completely dependant on the size of the container, and it costs $20. How could you go wrong?

Knife Cleaner (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-PGLD1-2P01 ... B00CX086J2). It's a green thing you can use to push klingons off your knife. Wait, no -- that's Spock.

Quirky, a company staffed entirely by separated former Siamese twins, is obsessed with providing us multiple utensils which share only one handle. Such as these cleaner thingies (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Groove-Kit ... B00F0MQ9BM) or better, this "set" of spatulas which come in 5 different sizes with only one handle (http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-CNC-1-CW1- ... B004NSUCUI) because of course, nobody would ever want to use more than one spatula at the same time. Or, you know, lose the handle.

But the product which really makes me say "why, God, why?" is this one: http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Cyclone-Ho ... B00E7YGZ4A Truly, the end of Western Civilization cannot arrive too soon.

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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:02 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:50 pm
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I love the colander, but not $50 worth.

Thanks for the reminder. It's been an age since I checked out worstthingsforsale.


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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 7:44 pm 
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Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2008 10:45 pm
Posts: 1531
Location: Ottawa, ON
The egg minder is so utter and complete overkill, it is calling my name. Maybe I'll make my own! Not sure I could do it under $100 though, especially if you count amortized tool costs...

Looking at the pic for the serving bowl, someone has been looking at the pictures in Modernist Cuisine.

I really don't get the handle thing. It would really piss me off to have to join a handle to a spatula to use it. And who has space for a spatula stand?

Of course, lots of these things are designed to be bought as gifts by clueless people. Reminds me of the utter crap that shows up for Father's day.


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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:29 pm 
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I like that last line on the list of descriptions of the Cheese Grater: Not applicable

Not applicable to what? Does that mean it won't grate cheese?

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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 12:40 am 
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Location: Portland, OR
So, more surfing Amazon for manufaturers of very useless products, I found Hog Wild Corporation. They have created such brilliantly innovative products as:

The Moo Mixer (http://www.amazon.com/Hog-Wild-Idea-Kit ... B001G8FZZ0): this is a low-powered one-person plastic blender. For chocolate milk. Presumably for those with severe RMI which prevents stirring things with a spoon. The latest version goes "Moo" at you when you activate it. Used by troops on duty in Afganistan (yes, really, browse the reviews).

Motorized Ice Cream Cone (http://www.amazon.com/Hog-Wild-Motorize ... B000GKW6K6). This would make an excellent clown sketch prop. I can't imagine what else you'd use it for. Frequently purchased with the Progressive S'more Maker ... who'da thunk?

Spinning Spaghetti Fork (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001HXD4U2): more motorized stain-all-of-your-clothing-at-once action!

Hog Wild Beetle Spork(http://www.amazon.com/Hog-Wild-10481-Be ... B000JD1U4S): Not actually a product, but rather the name of Toad The Wet Sprocket's upcoming reunion album.

On the other hand, in the "possibly awesome" category, we have their Dinosaur Cheater Chopsticks (http://www.amazon.com/Hog-Wild-Dino-Sti ... B0026P4ZQ2). Despite (because of) having no children, I'm tempted to buy these anyway, and put them out for guests.

Also, I am totally put out that nobody liked my Spock joke.

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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 9:01 am 
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Location: Finger Lakes Wine Country
Bon Appétite weighs in with The 50 Worst Food Gifts in the World

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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 9:21 am 
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Location: Telluride, CO
Oh, I don't know...I think the Wine Sippy Cup looks promising... ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 12:59 pm 
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I would have liked it better if the BA article had included commentary....after all, what could possibly be wrong with that microwavable bacon cup?!?

Sadly, one of the "gourmet" pizza joints here in town uses those pizza cutting forks. They are totally useless, but apparently if you are going to wait in line at a no-reservation policy hipster joint to shell out $25 (or more) for an individual wood fired pizza (where the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu starts at $40), you deserve to have to roll this tiny toy cutter over your pie in a feeble attempt to cut it. To add insult to injury, normal cutlery (fork, knife or spoon) are not provided (just so you don't try to sneak in cutting your pizza with a butter knife).

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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:00 pm 
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And my chocolate fountain gets lots of use at various parties.


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 Post subject: Re: Qurap for Quristmas
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:20 pm 
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Mmmm, chocolate fountain. Yes, it may not be top quality chocolate (and there is the whole contamination by many hands thing), but it's just so darn fun.

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