Cookaholics Bulletin Board

Interesting input, thanks. I like the concept of something to reflect the hostess, I had not thought of it exactly that way but you nailed it Amy.

The vase of leeks, how stunning. And the wine conumdrum, I agree and I think that is where I am coming from with the thread, just sick and tired of bringing wine.

I've also ressurected the hand written thank you note, just got done sending a few for holiday events we enjoyed.

Lynn

All,

Hmmm. This doesn't come up much locally; in my age group (40 and younger) it's expected to bring something to contribute to the meal, rather than a "hostess gift". Also -- wonder of wonders -- people call to ask what they should bring. This solves the wine problem. There are a few (very few) ways in which we're getting generationally smarter, believe it or don't.

However, when I travel internationally, the rules are different. Especially in Japan, host gifts are mandatory -- when I visit Tokyo, half my luggage is gifts! I used to bring wine -- California and Oregon wine is quite appreciated elsewhere, and can be regifted by those who don't drink. However, the TSA stupidity about liquids now means I can only do that in the winter. So now I'm bringing premium chocolates (though not to Italy/Austria) and American whiskey (to those I know drink). Of course, when I know something specific about a person, I get them a specific gift.

For more local host gifts, I'd suggest making something which is a little unusual (so they're unlikely to have a lot) and only semi-perishable (so you can keep it around). Jarred things are my favorite: lemon curd, butterscotch sauce, salsa, mustard.

Silversage, I might suggest that you loudly tell your friends and guests about how you have memberships in wine buying clubs and have so much wine sitting around. This might dissaude them from bringing wine. Or heck, just open the wine you picked no matter what they brought, explaining that you selected it specifically to pair with the food. Of course, this plan may result in you being expected to bring the wine whenever you visit anyone else.

Ah Joshy, come sit on Gramma Mary's knee and she will tell you about the bad old days...

Actually the Swiss and Japanese have a lot in common socially. There are things that must be done. It has loosened up a bit but there are still some ropes you have to know.

Mary

A few times people have brought me wine. I usually smile and say "How sweet! Thanks!" then put it away. If they ask, I just say that most of the guests are beer drinkers. Which is true, and I probably went to a bunch of trouble to make sure I had great pairings. I have to say, that those people have not brought wine again. Since it's not a subject I can politely pursue, I have no idea if they were offended that we didn't drink it right away or if it just seems weird to bring wine to someone's house just to have them turn around and serve beer that probably cost twice as much. Not that the beer is that outrageously priced, just that the wine was definitely of the BOGO variety. A friend did bring me some reposado tequila last month; I invited him to come have margaritas with us this summer.

We don't get out to visit much these days, but my FIL and MIL always seem to appreciate a cheese ball.

BOGO?

Best Offered to Gullible Outsiders?

Better Opened by Guest Oncologists?

Bad Old Grog Order?

Bastard Ornery Great Octopus?

When people bring wine here it is not expected to be served (unless they specifically offer beforehand). I find it strange to bring someone a gift and then expect to consume it.

Cool beer would also be a great gift. Bring it warm so no one feels compelled to serve it.

Mary

Buy One Get One (Free)

Some department store chain uses it as "BOGO Half Off" which I think misuses the spirit of the acronym.

Pete,

Added to the list of acronyms.

Hmmm. Also:

Better Off Guzzled with Orange (juice)

Anyway, I chatted with my MIL who is of a generation/upbringing where Things Are Just Done A Certain Way (TAJDCW). And she was surprised that people who brought a bottle of wine as a host gift would expect it to be opened. So she's with Mary there.

So, the Ms. Manners answer is: people who bring wine unasked and then expect it to be opened and consumed with the meal -- especially cheap wine -- are simply rude, and you are justified in ignoring their wishes. Accept the wine gracefully, and put it away in a cabinet. You can always cook with it. Or make wine vinegar.

Meow...

I've never thought that wine I have brought should be opened immediately....but in case any hostess/host thinks that, I am REALLY (can I use caps?) dissuaded now fromm bringing wine.

One thing I like about my local kitchen shop is that they will gift wrap with really pretty bags and ribbons, for free. So kitchen things are sounding better all the time.